Nordic Saga

I

We were at Ikea in Fyshwick

at opening time

in anticipation

of domestic transformation.

The excitement abated

after the first hour and a half.

In the end we were there

for over three hours…

We lost each other four times

and had to text or call.

There is a store plan and arrows

projected on the floor;

we were generally heading

counter to the arrows

while technically not illegal,

it still felt like failure.

Towards the end we discovered secret shortcuts,

‘worm holes’ Bob called them,

but nothing spared our aching legs and feet.

II

We went to Ikea to get the Hemnes and the Fillan

simple enough you would think.

We ended up with the Skurup, the Skogslok,

the Djungelskog and the Dronas;

the Fillan was out of stock.

They were expecting some in

but we baulked at the $200 delivery charge to Wagga

and decided to wait,

to take a chance,

see if we can get it next time.

We did order two Flarras to come by courier though,

much cheaper

they should be here on Tuesday.

III

At home now

we are integrating our Hemnes

into our existing furnishings.

It has Scandinavian cousins

in our Billy bookcase and a 1980s trolley

anonymous now

forerunner of the Bror.

Ikea names come

not from a random generator of letters

as it is  tempting to think,

but from words for Swedish places, people and things
(I know because Bob Googled it in bed).

The tradition was set by its founder,

Ingvar Kamprad

who struggled with numbers;

I can relate.

There is a taxonomy online

don’t be disappointed

it is still quirky…

kitchen utensils get their names

from fish, mushrooms

and adjectives.

IV

The first flatpack is open

there are 30 wooden plugs,

24 shoulder bolts

and two sets of eight screws.

Bob says assembling the Hemnes

is therapeutic -

let’s see how he feels

after three hours!

© 2020