We were at Ikea in Fyshwick
at opening time
in anticipation
of domestic transformation.
The excitement abated
after the first hour and a half.
In the end we were there
for over three hours…
We lost each other four times
and had to text or call.
There is a store plan and arrows
projected on the floor;
we were generally heading
counter to the arrows
while technically not illegal,
it still felt like failure.
Towards the end we discovered secret shortcuts,
‘worm holes’ Bob called them,
but nothing spared our aching legs and feet.
II
We
went to Ikea to get the Hemnes and the Fillan
simple
enough you would think.
We
ended up with the Skurup, the Skogslok,
the Djungelskog and the Dronas;
the Fillan was out of stock.
They were expecting some in
but we baulked at the $200 delivery charge to
Wagga
and decided to wait,
to take a chance,
see if we can get it next time.
We did order two Flarras to come by courier though,
much cheaper
they should be here on Tuesday.
III
At home now
we are integrating our Hemnes
into our existing furnishings.
It has Scandinavian cousins
in our Billy bookcase and a 1980s trolley
anonymous now
forerunner of the Bror.
Ikea names come
not from a random generator of letters
as it is tempting to think,
but from words for Swedish places, people and things
(I know because Bob Googled it in bed).
(I know because Bob Googled it in bed).
The tradition was set by its founder,
Ingvar Kamprad
who struggled with numbers;
I can relate.
There is a taxonomy online
don’t be disappointed
it is still quirky…
kitchen utensils get their names
from fish, mushrooms
and adjectives.
IV
The first flatpack is open
there are 30 wooden plugs,
24 shoulder bolts
and two sets of eight screws.
Bob says assembling the Hemnes
is therapeutic -
let’s see how he feels
after three hours!
© 2020
